Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
