Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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