What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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