I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
