Im at strip club and am horny
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
