Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
