If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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