he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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