You're a womanizer and a bitch.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am one with the molecules
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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