11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
