You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
