You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize