Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
