Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize