ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
