Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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