Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize