He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The best revenge is premature balding
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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