I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
