Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
