yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
