You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
