I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i've created a new STD.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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