The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
