i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
