Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you never un-have a 4some
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
