OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
