Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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