Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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