After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I just shit out all my problems.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
