May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
