i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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