I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you win again, gameday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
