Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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