We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
