It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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