You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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