Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
