We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
