Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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