Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
