dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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