What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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