is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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