Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
