he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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