The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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