We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We got so high we made milksteak
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
