I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
