normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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