I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
