Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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