He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
