it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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