youre lurking in front of me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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