I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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