wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
