The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
