I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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