Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
