Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
