I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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