She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
