Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
