every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
