did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
home. puking in laundry basket.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
