So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
