Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
