he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
