I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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